Monday, June 20, 2005
consuming...confusing.....i m crawling inside ma skin..tiz wounds they will NT healed...FEAR is hw i FaLL...confusing..confusing wat is real...therez SMT inside me dat pulls beneath de surface..confusing..consuming...tiz lack of SELF-CONTROL..i fear is nvr ENDING...controlling...i can't see..2 my myself again..ma walls r closing in...dwn de sense of confidence i'm convince dat i haf 2 much PRESSURE 2 TAKE...i felt tiz way BeFoRe...so INSECCUUUREEEE.......discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself UPON me...distracting/reactingAGAINST my will i stand beside ma own reflection..its..HaUnTiNg...hw i can't seemmmi can't hold on... coz i stretched so thini made de rite moves..... but i m lost withini pick it up maself it all...n juz end up...getting HURT AGAIN...by maself....I GT A HEART FULL OF PAIN...HEAD FULL OF STRESS...HAND FUL OF ANGER..HELD AT MA CHEST....UPHILL STRUGGLES/BLOOD SWETA & TEARS....NTH 2 GAIN....EVERYTHING 2 FEAR...and everything left so waste of time..i hate my rhymes and every1 elses 2...i m riding on de back of tiz PRESSUREgessing dat is better...can't keep maself 2gether...BECOZ ALL TIZ STRESS...gave me smt 2 write on...THE PAIN GAVE GAVE ME SMT....i cld set my sights on...u NVR FORGT de blood sweat n tears..de uphill struggles over de yrs..the FEAR n TRASH TALKINg...n de ppl it was 2..n de ppl started it...JUZ LIKE U...MEMORIES CONSUMELIKE OPENING DE WOUNDI'M PICKING ME APART AGAINU ALL ASUME I M SAFE HERE IN MA ROOM(unless i try 2 start again)CLUTTCHING MY CUREI TIGHLY LOCK DE DOORI TRY 2 CATCH MA BREATH AGAINI HURT SO MUCH MORETHAN ANYTIME BEFOREI HAD NO OPTION LEFT AGAINbut i noei may end up failing 2..but i noeu were juz like mewif some1 dissapointed in YOU...I take everthing from de inside & throw it all AWAY...Coz i swear for de LAST time...i wun trust maself wif u...de no 1 question is hw cld u ignore it...we drop right back in de tracks..over basementwif raps that gt u backing uplikeReWiNd dAt...we're juz roolling inde rythm..rise from de ashes of stylic division'wif tiz non'stop lyrics of life-livingnot 2 b forgottenbutstill unforgivenbut in de meantime there r thode who wanatalk tiz n datso i supposeit gets 2 a pt feelings gotta get hurtand get dirty wif de pl spraeding de dirt...i want 2 heali want 2 feel like i'mSOMEWHERE I BELONG.....so 2day was nth..i m going 2 study and do tings soon...well..gng running again later...n yahs spend de morning clearing up all stuffs...and listen 2 Lp...realli nice song...i feel much more better nw..rather than running..dun realli helps alot...but it still helps..hearing tiz song over n over AGAIN...i noe is outdated but i still love them..wooo....
loving u... @ 12:52 PM
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